Eat, Pray but Dont Love.

I never really liked the book. Maybe because it came so close to home, so many times.  However, I admire the woman for closing the gap between who she was and who she wanted to be; something I haven't been able to achieve, despite striving for it every single day.

Anyhoo, these are some of my favorite passages from the book. Describes the many bad days I have been having lately, all replete with doubts and emotional cutting.

Depression and Loneliness track me down after about ten days in Italy. I am walking through the Villa Borghese one evening after a happy day spent in school, and the sun is setting gold over St Peter's Basilica. I am feeling contented in this romantic scene, even if I am all by myself, while everyone else in the park is either fondling a lover of playing with a laughing child. But I stop to lean against a balustrade and watch the sunset, and I get to thinking a little too much, and then my thinking turns to brooding, and that's when they catch up with me.

They come upon me all silent and menacing like Pinkerton Detectives, and they flank me- Depression on my left, Loneliness on my right. They don't need to show me their badges. I know these guys very well. We've been playing a cat-and-mouse game for years now. Though I admit that I am surprised to meet them in this elegant Italian garden at dusk. This is no place they belong.

I say to them, "How did you find me here? Who told you I had come to Rome?"
Depression, always the wise guy, says, "What- you're not happy to see us?"
"Go away," I tell him.
Loneliness, the more sensitive cop, says "I'm sorry ma'am. But I might have to tail you the whole time you're traveling. It's my assignment."
"I'd really rather you didn't," I tell him, and he shrugs almost apologetically, but only moves closer.

Then they frisk me. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying there. Depression even confiscates my identity; but he always does that. Then Loneliness starts interrogating me, which I dread because it always goes on for hours. He's polite but relentless, and he always trips me up eventually. He asks if I have any reason to be happy that I know of. He asks why I am all by myself tonight, yet again. He asks (though we've been through this line of questioning hundreds of times already) why I can't keep a relationship going, why I ruined my marriage, why I messed things up with David, why I messed things up with every man I've ever been with. He asks me where I was the night I turned thirty, and why things have gone so sour since then. He asks why I can't get my act together, and why I'm not at home living in a nice house and raising nice children like any respectable woman my age should be. He asks why, exactly, I think I deserve a vacation in Rome when I've made such a rubble of my life. He asks me why I think that running away to Italy like a college kid will make me happy. He asks where I think I'll end up on my old age, if I keep living this way.

I walk back home, hoping to shake them, but they keep following me, these two goons. Depression has a firm hand on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation. I don't even bother eating dinner; I don't want them watching me. I don't want to let them up the stairs to my apartment, either, but I know Depression, and he's got a billy club, so there's no stopping him from coming in if he decides that he wants to.

"It's not fair for you come come here," I tell Depression. "I paid you off already. I served my time back in New York."
But he just gives me that dark smile, settles into my favourite chair, puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar, filling the place with his awful smoke. Loneliness watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes and all. He's going to make me sleep with him again tonight, I just know it.

Surviving a Break-Up

So, my relationship is over. And in the weeks that have followed, I have done a lot of introspection, reaching no conclusions per se. However, the break up did make me evaluate a lot of my life, both past and future. The one thing that did make me sit up and take notice were words of a not-so-much-liked public figure, Pooja Bedi. She said, in one of her interviews, "Maybe first loves are meant to be just that, not forever, not everlasting. Just first."

Fortunately this time, the break up is not half as bad as it was last time. Maybe because I knew it was ending long before it actually did. And I was prepared. Or maybe because I knew that I didn't do anything wrong this time. And that always helps in any situation; knowing that you gave it your best and that it was not your fault.

So here is my guide on how to survive a break-up in the hope that somebody, somewhere would read this and it would help them as well.

1. Tell your friends.
2. Get out. Don't stay in and mope and having friends who know your situation always helps in this department
3. Do what you feel like, when you feel like doing it. If you want to scream, shout, abuse, talk, grovel, whatever..do it!! But then, don't regret it later. Always know, you are entitled to feel the way you do.
4. Oh for revenge! It will come though. Wait for it. Don't rush it. And when it does...well, I can only hope right now!!
5. Take time out for yourself. Do the things you always wanted to. For me it is going out with the ladies with alcohol and a whole lot of men-bashing. But whatever takes your fancy should work.
6. I know the nights are the hardest. The previous point helped me in killing the urges I had to call up the guy in question and beg for him to come back. And eventually those urges subsided.
7. Always know that there will be good days and bad days. In this case, being informed is half the battle. Knowing that this is just bad day and this will go away soon, helps in surviving those weak moments.
8. Work! Work! Work! Fortunately for me, being addicted to my work before I got into the relationship helped me more than I can possibly say. It was easy to go back into the same mold and slip into my work post the break up.
9. For some people, getting into another relationship helps. I have done it in the past. But it left a weird empty feeling in me when I did that. My advise is, do it only if the new guy is well aware of the situation and is okay with it. Hurting someone just to get over your hurt is just not right.
10. Give it time. Don't expect miracles. Eventually, this too shall pass!


Life has a way of answering your questions. It takes its own path, but eventually, all what you could possibly want to know, is known. As long as you look at it the right way.

I always wanted to know what it would've been like, had me and him got together again. My question has been answered.