The after-Goa Insights

Right, so I am back from another trip to my half-home Goa. Now, don't take me wrong, I love Goa. It is an awesome party place, lots of interesting people and fantastic, picturesque locations to take pictures of and show around to awed friends/colleagues once you come back.

However, being half Goan, I have always seen this other side of Goa, the simpler one; where you draw water from a well, crap in outhouses, run to the beach in the evenings and hang around with a beer at night patiently waiting for dinner. And since I have seen this side of life in Goa, every time I go to Goa just for the express purpose of partying, I always come back wishing I had done it the other way around. Where I could have just done the normal routine thing and then for a couple of nights done the binge drinking, partying scene.

Or maybe I am just getting old.

Anyhoo, I am back, with a tan so bad I now 'look' firmly south Indian; not that I have a problem with it. I drank what seemed like a zillion beers and a few liters of sea water, smoked a gazillion cigarettes, flirted with no body (though got minor crush on a guitarist called Elvis), walked a thousand miles, ate a couple of pigs, a few hundred chickens and a couple of kilos of rice.

By the fifth day, I wanted to go home.  I was tired and sleep deprived, missed my mom, my dog and my bed and just wanted to wear clothes that didn't smell of the sea.

I am old.

Surviving a Break-Up

So, my relationship is over. And in the weeks that have followed, I have done a lot of introspection, reaching no conclusions per se. However, the break up did make me evaluate a lot of my life, both past and future. The one thing that did make me sit up and take notice were words of a not-so-much-liked public figure, Pooja Bedi. She said, in one of her interviews, "Maybe first loves are meant to be just that, not forever, not everlasting. Just first."

Fortunately this time, the break up is not half as bad as it was last time. Maybe because I knew it was ending long before it actually did. And I was prepared. Or maybe because I knew that I didn't do anything wrong this time. And that always helps in any situation; knowing that you gave it your best and that it was not your fault.

So here is my guide on how to survive a break-up in the hope that somebody, somewhere would read this and it would help them as well.

1. Tell your friends.
2. Get out. Don't stay in and mope and having friends who know your situation always helps in this department
3. Do what you feel like, when you feel like doing it. If you want to scream, shout, abuse, talk, grovel, whatever..do it!! But then, don't regret it later. Always know, you are entitled to feel the way you do.
4. Oh for revenge! It will come though. Wait for it. Don't rush it. And when it does...well, I can only hope right now!!
5. Take time out for yourself. Do the things you always wanted to. For me it is going out with the ladies with alcohol and a whole lot of men-bashing. But whatever takes your fancy should work.
6. I know the nights are the hardest. The previous point helped me in killing the urges I had to call up the guy in question and beg for him to come back. And eventually those urges subsided.
7. Always know that there will be good days and bad days. In this case, being informed is half the battle. Knowing that this is just bad day and this will go away soon, helps in surviving those weak moments.
8. Work! Work! Work! Fortunately for me, being addicted to my work before I got into the relationship helped me more than I can possibly say. It was easy to go back into the same mold and slip into my work post the break up.
9. For some people, getting into another relationship helps. I have done it in the past. But it left a weird empty feeling in me when I did that. My advise is, do it only if the new guy is well aware of the situation and is okay with it. Hurting someone just to get over your hurt is just not right.
10. Give it time. Don't expect miracles. Eventually, this too shall pass!


Life has a way of answering your questions. It takes its own path, but eventually, all what you could possibly want to know, is known. As long as you look at it the right way.

I always wanted to know what it would've been like, had me and him got together again. My question has been answered.

The One With a Star on my Finger

It all started five years ago when I was trotting across the countryside giving interviews for an admission into a post graduate course. On one fateful day, in a hot, humid city, waiting in a crowded room full of hopeful, nervous chatter, I met the man who would change my life forever. We started a conversation, for the lack of a better pass time, conversation that included the past and hopefully the future. We parted ways that day, thinking we will never see each other again and we didn't keep in touch, except a call that lasted 15 seconds.

Little did I know, that man would make every dream of mine come true and give me the lease of life I needed.

Two years later, we got into a relationship; a whirlwind affair that swept me off my feet and made me feel like the world belonged to us. I breathed, slept, ate, lived through him. And then suddenly, it ended as soon as it began and I was left nursing a broken heart and no will to love again.

9 days and three years later, here I am, back with the man who gave me everything and took away everything. The man who can make the world seem like a dream and love a reality. The man who taught me how to live again, taught me how to laugh and cry, how to feel, how to hope. A man that believed in me like no one else has. A man that shows me the mirror. A man who is, undoubtedly, my soulmate.

And despite everything, the fights, the misunderstandings, the disapproval from the world outside, we are together.

Happy is a word I can relate to now.

Anon Stuff

Stuff is always happening to me. I am one of those people who can't go through life without having a couple of accidents, getting caught in endless traffic jams, being diagnosed with weird diseases nobody has ever heard of before, either being completely famished for male company or being overriden with it and other such happy situations. There are times when I have to sit down, take off my running shoes and take deep breaths just so I can get back to my senses again.

Here is a lowdown of the last couple of days alone.


1. Nainital - One of my present clients has a hotel in Nainital and we have decided to take a few people up there for an experential visit. And even though I had no intentions of accompanying a bunch of seasoned travel writers for this trip, I have been coerced into going by my boss who I love to death but who can also drive me up some really high walls. So being the optimist that I am and forever trying to see the silver lining in my gray clouds, I have decided to go, taking my sorry little Sony camera along to take lots of pictures; considering I will practically be alone there and will have no-one to banter with. So my itinerary of the trip would look something like this -

• Try not to puke on the way up and down
• Appear to be "all there, all the time"
• Eat. Lots
• Walk. Lots
• Drink. None
• Take lots of pictures

2. My Name is Khan, the movie - I watched it, despite not really wanting to (loving your mother and wanting her happiness at all costs is a bad thing.) So my senses were assailed by Shahrukh Khan in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, well it was 12 in the afternoon actually, but wee hours for me nonetheless. Fortunately for me, the movie wasn't half bad. Although, I totally disagree with Nikhat Kazmi's statement of MNIK being miles ahead of Forrest Gump. I mean, Woman! get a clue will you??

3. Gautam Gambhir is the captain of Delhi Daredevils this year. Wow! I did not see that coming. Suddenly I am regretting spending a whole lot of money on my Delhi Daredevils jersey last year. I cant even use it for any other purpose. Dishrag maybe, but that's it. And I was so looking forward to the IPL and sitting in my watering hole and watching Delhi Daredevils matches on the big screen with a whole lot of beer sloshing around in my stomach. *Sigh*

4. Prospective No. "Hopefully-Final" is hovering around the corner. And I see some serious hope here. I so don't want to eff this up. So I am praying for the strength to not be a complete ass this time. Pray along with me people.

Ova and Out

Hi. I am Naal, and I am an Alcoholic

Or at least I think I am.

How do you define an alcoholic?

1. Crave for alcohol everyday. Check.
2. If don't get alcohol on a particular day, break open a bottle at home and drink alone. Check.
3. Have had more than four types of alcohol in one night. Check.
4. After a night full of alcohol, need more alcohol after dinner. Check.
5. Have alcohol more than twice a week. Check.
6. Have been in at least one accident involving drunk driving. Check.
7. Still drive drunk. Check.

The only characteristics that differentiate me from a standard definition of an alcoholic is that I don't get up in the morning and crave for a drink (unless, of course, I am on holiday in Goa).

My association with alcohol started a long time ago. Being from a part Goan, Army background, there was never any dearth of alcohol in my house. Bottles of wine, rum, vodka and beer were always present in the tiny bar at home. Alcohol flowed freely at family functions and you were supposed to taste champagne even if you didn't want to.

But all this never contributed to my obsession with the drink till some time ago. I was always someone who got one drink at parties and stuck with it throughout the night. I loved a good rum and coke occasionally, but generally stayed away from heavy duty drinks. Recently, however, I have seen a change in me that can put Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas to shame.

I get the urge to drink every evening. If I don't get to drink on a particular evening, I get up the next morning all cranky and ready to bite someone head off. Sometimes at night when I cant sleep and my thoughts threaten to overpower me, I have to get up and make myself a couple of drinks which I gulp down in one go. Every get together with friends and family revolves around alcohol. If I cant get any of the hard drinks, a couple of beers are a must. I have driven drunk sometimes, so drunk that I cant remember how I reached home. I don't even remember getting into my car or the road and stop signs on the way home. I have seen numerous accidents involving drunk driving, even been in one.

I am happy, I drink. I am sad, I drink. I hate myself, I drink. I love myself, I drink.


I love alcohol and I think I am in trouble because of it.