The One With a Star on my Finger

It all started five years ago when I was trotting across the countryside giving interviews for an admission into a post graduate course. On one fateful day, in a hot, humid city, waiting in a crowded room full of hopeful, nervous chatter, I met the man who would change my life forever. We started a conversation, for the lack of a better pass time, conversation that included the past and hopefully the future. We parted ways that day, thinking we will never see each other again and we didn't keep in touch, except a call that lasted 15 seconds.

Little did I know, that man would make every dream of mine come true and give me the lease of life I needed.

Two years later, we got into a relationship; a whirlwind affair that swept me off my feet and made me feel like the world belonged to us. I breathed, slept, ate, lived through him. And then suddenly, it ended as soon as it began and I was left nursing a broken heart and no will to love again.

9 days and three years later, here I am, back with the man who gave me everything and took away everything. The man who can make the world seem like a dream and love a reality. The man who taught me how to live again, taught me how to laugh and cry, how to feel, how to hope. A man that believed in me like no one else has. A man that shows me the mirror. A man who is, undoubtedly, my soulmate.

And despite everything, the fights, the misunderstandings, the disapproval from the world outside, we are together.

Happy is a word I can relate to now.

The One With.....A Goodbye Letter

Hi,

I know this letter is the last thing you expect from me but I had to write it down. I had to tell you what I feel about you and how much you mean to me and writing has always come easier to me than talking.

I am going to leave you soon. You and I both knew this day would come and we were both trying to prepare for it. But no amount of preparation would stop the hurt and the sadness. But it has to happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it. We weren't meant to be together. It just wouldn't have worked out.

You know I love you. I always have. We have spent so much time together but to be honest, I didn't really start to understand you till a little while back. I knew I loved you I moment I saw you but I could never express it. I could never tell you how much you mean to me and even though we have had our differences, I could feel the love inside me. You have done so much for me, and I feel like whatever you went through before you knew me was for a reason. It made you into the perfect person for me.

It has taken me a long time to truly understand the hurt and pain I caused you in the beginning and how, even though you probably wanted to stop me from hurting myself, you still let me go, to learn and to grow the way you have. I went away only to come back to you, but even then there was always something stopping me from getting close to you. You, slowly but surely, chipped away at the wall I had around me, till I couldn't hold it any longer and my love for you pervaded me and everything I did. I know I have taken away a part of you because I was so cold in the beginning but I hope, at least lately, I have made it upto you. I regret not being there for you when you needed me and even though you called out to me, I turned my face and looked the other way. Believe me, I didn't do that because I didn't love you. I just didn't know any better. I didn't know how much you had come to be a part of me just like I am a part of you.

I feel like our souls have intertwined and touched because of the love we shared.

The little things come back to me now. I still remember the nights I spent with you and how you would wake up early in the morning just to make sure that no one would disturb my sleep. You would shut the door and scream at anyone who came near it; you knew it was difficult for me to sleep sometimes. You watched the movies I wanted to watch even though you were least interested in them. You would spend lavishly on my birthday and surround my bed with little gifts so I would wake up surrounded by them and even then I would look forward to going out with my friends and not care about your gifts and when I would get dissapointed with my friends for not making my birthday special, you would hold me and wipe away my tears even though your heart was breaking. You would meet me in the middle of the day just because I wasn't feeling right that morning, Sometimes you would whine when I couldn't spend time with you but at the end, you would still laugh at my little jokes and wipe away that little frown you get when you don't like something. You would stay awake, sometimes till the middle of the night, just to make sure I had reached home after a drunken night out with my friends. You would call twice, thrice a day just to find out how I am. You let me talk and rave and rant about stupid stuff and you still listened with intent and then talked to me about doing the right thing. You stood by me, even though I made stupid mistakes and hurt you even more. You let me be me despite my insecurities.

I am complete because of you.

And now its time. I have to leave soon and I know that its going to kill both of us. I cant imagine my life without you. Without your presence, your laughter, your tears, your hugs. You have meant so much to me and I am me because of you. You gave me your everything and I am going to take it forward with me.

I am leaving a part of my soul behind. It belongs to you.

Goodbye ma!

I love you

Yours always,

Your Daughter

TOW Realisations and Events

So, I've had an eventful couple of weeks.

1. I found a new guy, actually re-discovered an old one.

2. I came face to face with P3 and completely ignored his existence (Yay! for me) even though my plate was dying to fly out of my hands and sever his (I am sure) small dick.

3. I handled a high-flying party and met extremely influential people (and when I say influential, I mean influential...P. Chidambaram, Deepa Mehta, Praful Patel and so on. Yes yes, I rub shoulders with the "it" crowd).

4. I also abandoned my Goa plans (Sigh). Turns out everybody is crazy busy that particular week in Feb when I was planning my vacay.

5. And I realised that '08 has been a really, really bad year for a lot of people. And I am hoping the next year is better than this miserable one.

But the most exciting thing that happened was the new-old guy. Keep your fingers crossed guys....will keep you posted!!

The one with a great man

Even though a majority of Indian Citizens wouldnt know Obama's agenda for India, and still exult in his win, it was more of a victory of good over evil, so to speak. All those people who saw movies like Deep Impact where an african-american played the President of the United States and scoffed at the idea of such an unlikely event; it was as if America itself was proven wrong.

Whatever said and done, Obama seems to be a great man; someone who embodies the spirit of a nation. He seems to have gone through what everyone does at one time or another in their life; prejudices, family strife, drug abuse and such; and emerged stronger because of it.

However, Obama's journey has just begun. I can envision him sitting in the Oval Office in the wee hours of the morning, alone and tired, bent over a bill that prevents african- americans or muslims from carrying ammunition or something like that, knowing that whatever he decides he would recieve flak for it.

For me, personally, just his victory is enough for history to remember him forever.

Change we need and change we got!

the one with the cold

I have a cold....not one of the bad ones..just one of those where you feel dizzy, run a low grade fever, sneeze a few times a day but generally manage to make your way around the day.....and i have also realised what a touchy topic a cold is....esp to someone who you give an unwarranted suggestion to....it was some time back and i had just recovered from the shock and relief of being AIDS free....a co-worker came and sat next to me...sniffling and coughing...and started talking to me about his prolonged suffering from a common cold....now being all-knowing that i am, i suggested that he get an HIV test done....ya ya i know...me and my big mouth right???...phew!!... what a mistake!!....and i didn't just stop there...i drawled on and on about how everyone should get an HIV test done regardless of how sexually active they were.....and how i think that an HIV test could give people a second lease of life and so on and so forth...after about 15 minutes of pure unadulterated advice i focused my eyes on him to notice his jaw was on the floor and he looked like he was just given a death sentence by stoning....now i am a nice person with my heart in the right place....little did i realise the prejudice still prevalent in the world when it came to STD's....i haven't heard the end of it since then....whenever i suffer from an ailment(common cold, banged toe, back pain, crick in the neck)...the above-mentioned co-worker never loses out on an opportunity to mention that i get an HIV test done...all with a smirk pasted on his closed, prejudiced face.....(he never got one done by the way...the chicken brain!!).....

i fail to understand the preconceived notions people have about issues like STD's, prostitution, religion, secularism...arranged marriage etc.....does it matter if land was promised to a particular religion for a particular yearly pilgrimage that they take, and then the land taken back because the government had environmental concerns??...how does an issue like that become a war between two political parties and questions the loyalty of a government???....how does a communicable disease become a precursor to the morality of a person??

i wish i could change the way people think....and i attempt to do that one person at a time...but sometimes it totally backfires and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth....should i give up then???...i don't think so...i still fire away....big mouth and all...and i hope people who read this blog would listen to reason...at least when it came to their own health....

i sign off with a song one of my closest friends introduced me to and every time i get a cold i remember her and all the good times we had....babe if u ever read this..call me..and for once lets follow through with one of our gazillion failed "momo" plans.....

i hope that i have changed at least one persons life and helped him/her jump the boundaries of their mind....

Cold Song by Jewel

It's getting cold and I'm starting to sneeze, I wipe my nose on my sleeve.
I've got the sniffles, I'd better drink my tea.
Oh do you do you wanna wanna catch a cold with me?

I'd catch a cold with you anytime,
I ain't just feverish, I ain't just lyin'
'Cause when your nose is running it's a perfect time for kissing and hugging.
Oh do you do you wanna wanna catch a cold with me?

We'll stay inside where it's nice and warm
Tell our bosses, we're caught in a sneezing storm.
We'll sniffle and snuggle and watch some more tv.
Oh do you do you wanna wanna catch a cold with me?

I'd catch a cold with you anytime,
I ain't just feverish, I ain't just lyin'
'Cause when your nose is running it's a perfect time for kissing and hugging.
Oh do you do you wanna wanna catch a cold with me?

Do you do you wanna wanna wanna wanna do you do you wanna do me yes indeed,
Oh do you do you wanna wanna catch a cold with me?